Xenogyst (xiin) wrote,
Xenogyst
xiin

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Blue skies, grey mind

Today, I was bothered by the lack of symmetry in my face again. I've met people who have both confirmed and denied its importance. In the end, I think perhaps I will simply strive to be less bothered by it (who knows).

What else bothers me?

Well, besides the adventures of Tom Delay and the Incredible Popeman, my troubles seem to come from a couple of sources.

Here are some options:

-Academia (and my lack of motivation towards it)
-Women (or lack there of)
-Concerns of my immediate future
-Dreams (or lack)


Now, my physical concerns may stem simply from my concerns about women. Honestly, it's hard to tell sometimes what I even think about myself, let alone others. Often I am leery of being complimented (about anything), especially when the compliment is so apt to fit the "right" moment. What I mean by that is that I seem to be painfully aware of when it is a good time to compliment someone to make them feel better, regardless of sincerity. It's not like I mention anything about my noticing of this, as to deny the compliment of someone trying to make me feel better would only prompt him to be more stubborn about his original assertion (depends).

More complexly, I find myself unmotivated to compliment others. I really -hate- giving a compliment when I'm not wholly sincere about it, but I find that I am often not excited enough about most things to mention something complimentary about them. Additionally, while I like to be honest, I also can't handle telling someone how bad he/she is with something! It's an issue that I wish I could get over more easily...

I'm troubled, and while I seem to know why, I don't really seem to fully grasp it. I think about things, but then I don't; I desire things, but then I'm apathetic about them; I seek fulfillment, but then I do nothing fulfilling; I want to be with people, but then I isolate myself; I feel I'm good, but then I'm depreciatory towards myself... My list goes on, but the point is clear.
I suppose I can only start with what I know affects me (my little options list), but those have been life struggles for me. I'm just not sure what I specifically want anymore.

I just want to feel a bit better.
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